BREAKING – Reports have surfaced of a horrific one vehicle car accident, in which there was one victim who did not walk away. This occurred last night along a road on Chappaquiddick Island in Massachusetts. While all seems not out of the ordinary at first, some investigative journalism carried out by our reporters has found that that the one victim in the accident, of whom is deceased, was potentially a love interest of Ted Kennedy. In addition, the driver of the Oldsmobile on that fateful night was none other than Mr. Kennedy himself.
Regardless of political affiliation, all can agree that the unnatural silence of Mr. Kennedy in regards to this pertinent issue raises some serious red flags when it comes to his character and his morals. Under this current knowledge, our reporters question the stability and honor of such a man, and call into question his actions, or rather inaction, when it comes to the handling of this tragedy. Rest assured, the New York Times will continue to investigate this event and report it to the public with the upmost haste.